I’ve been getting a lot of ‘why are you looking for a Sugar Baby?’ inquiries on the site I’m on. I thought it might be something you all are interested in, so here’s a week in my life:
Right now, I’m trying to seal a $4.5 million dollar deal to outsource programming with a Fortune 500 company. My cut on this is a solid mil. It should be an easy decision because I’m offering to take over a $35,000,000 responsibility with more people than the company can put to work, better trained, at about 10 times their speed.
And that’s a big deal. Right now there is a national dearth of programmers out there, and where companies SHOULD be dumping their out-dated developers, they are instead clinging to them, and that means antiquated software using abandoned methods to deliver inhouse products that don’t suit the needs of the people who use them.
So Monday we went live with the software that I personally wrote, that they want to use, and learned that the IT people in house had given us enough bad information that it creates records that the existing software can’t read. This blew up on them in that our software was robust and worked, and their software crashed. They went crying to the end users that this was my fault.
The VP who will decide the fate of this deal was out of town for most of this month, because she’s a human dynamo and she’s busy as hell. While I really respect her, I need her time and had to put a bug in her ear. She immediately responded with a meeting request for me, her and her key guy to happen next week.
One of the three partners in the upcoming company that will take this responsibility over left the state because he couldn’t take it here anymore. He’d been here six months. I’ve been here a year and moved into his duplex, because it has an amazing view. He’s fine now that he’s remote, but then I’m the personality guy and I handle the leadership, he’s an amazing programmer and he handles that (even though I wrote the software that they’re using). We have a third guy who has, of all things, a manservant whom he brings around with him everywhere, who ‘guides’ him. The manservant was hired as a junior programmer by the Fortune 500 company to replace me when they thought I was leaving at the end of my contract here. He doesn’t know anything about programming, he doesn’t listen when you tell him to do something, and he insists on speaking directly to the client, which is something that junior programmers do NOT do. On top of that, he’s a know-it-all who is very free with his opinions. Before he showed up, the third partner was just a geek whom we could manage, and whom we added because he’s one of those rare people who love doing reports. Now the manservant has the third partner convinced that he needs to be more involved in everything, and has him wanting to be a part of this meeting next week, which he was specifically NOT invited to.
The manservant informed us all in our limo during my 49th birthday party a month ago that we were screwing up the deal and that he would have gotten more money. It might be noted here that we’ve beaten out 1/2 a dozen other companies AND IBM for this position because we didn’t do that. The manservant is also 34, has a pony-tail and, as I said, is a junior programmer. He is also a dungeon master.
Once the program was initiated and the tech manuals written, a junior exec from the Fortune 500 company decided to leap into the process and ‘make it more popular,’ with about 2 dozen suggestions on how to pointlessly change the user interface. She didn’t have any usability information, because she doesn’t use it, and she doesn’t know what the people who DO use it, do.
I implemented a plan where people can give us program feedback online. When they do, we process the feedback and send them an email about it, usually thanking them. This has never happened here before, and the people who work there love it.
In light of these two fact, she reported back that she was able to increase the popularity of the software.
My son, who was misdiagnosed by the Navy with a stomach ulcer, which turned out to be IBD, nearly passed out in a supermarket from the effort of walking.
The check that I sent to the landlord never arrives. I proceed to fall down a flight of stairs moving crap from old apartment, and land on a coffee pot.
My truck has a nail in the tire. I realize this when the pressure in the tire drops to 5 lbs. In fixing it, I am informed that the truck has a minor oil leak and is out of align.
My daughter has decided that she wants to start a company of her own at 19, running a stable in Tennessee. I hook her up with my lawyer. Her business partner, who has managed three stables before this, doesn’t know what an LLC is.
And I worked out on the new equipment for the first time, having noted that, during the move, I gained 5 lbs.
Why do I need a Sugar Baby? Because the right woman who make this go away. She’d be handsomely rewarded. It’s Friday night and I’m blogging. I should be getting a beer with someone awesome.
So what I want? Someone to handle the small shit, who’s awesome.
There ya go. That’s why I want a Sugar Baby.