The cycle of texts upon texts

I’ll be seeing my Baby on Friday for the first time.  I’ve got the time off, so does she – much easier for me than for her, but there you go.

Her life is much improved by the money I sent her – pretty much why I did it.  I’ve been there – I spent about a year at one point where I had to plan what days I’d eat on, so that the kids always had enough.  Working from 7am to 2am six days a week, praying for one more day before they shut the phones off… screw that.  I had to go through it but if I can spare my Baby, more power to us both.

I think we’ve sent about 2,000 texts since Friday.  It’s funny – I don’t care for texts and at the same time I miss it when she doesn’t send one.  I look like a teen-ager programming for the ‘big client.’

Being 49 and not 29, I understand how an Internet relationship can make you feel like you’re in love faster than actually being with someone.  It’s idealized – you say what you mean because you get to back space.  You pour your heart out to this person you’ve never met and the endorphins start flowing, and the next thing you realize you’re picking out baby names.

It’s really affecting her.  I’m not immune but I keep it in context.  Staying in contact keeps the feeling alive.

Can tell this already – she’s more than just a girl for sex, at least for me.  She’s shown me her very sweet soul and her vulnerabilities, her desire to learn and to do more.  How my being wealthy doesn’t seem to be as important to her as my being dedicated to her.

If I lost it all, would she restart her profile on  Honestly, can’t say that yet.  Have to meet and see.  It might be tempting to pretend it happened but I doubt I will.  That kind of hokey horseshit is more for television than reality.

I think that, with the next post, I’ll explore some more about whom I was looking for




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