I’m calling it on ‘R’

Sorry, my droogies – ‘R’ got through the gateway. She had some bills to pay and played me.

She’s still on SugarDaddies.com, so I guess she’s looking for her next victim. If I find a SugarDaddies Beware site, I might enlighten them to her. I’m not going out of my way, though. No one reads those things.

I’m really not surprised that there are SO many scammers on these sites. Wealthy, horny guys are a target-rich environment, and think about it – a woman can rip off a few a week for around a grand and not run out any time soon, and make more doing less than if she were waiting tables or working in an office.

Meanwhile, we stick to the plan. Got the house being built between now and July, so I’ll spend time losing weight and getting in better shape. There’s a TON of yard work to do, and I’ve always said that the best work out is work.

It’s depressing but there ya go – got to expect this to happen once in a while



Did she ACTUALLY play the Dead Grandmother card?

Hello, my droogies. Been kind of a wacky week.

Haven’t been hearing from ‘R’ except in short bursts, and she’s supposed to call me twice and didn’t. Her having done this right after getting money for her saddle had me thinking I’d been played – to the point where I was starting to look elsewhere.

So I JUST got a text from her: grandma is dying. It’s her last gasps, she’ll be there at the end. Obviously supersedes all other plans.

I sort of remember something from lunch about a sick grandmother, but I couldn’t swear to it. Meanwhile, seriously, WTF? Part of me is saying, “Convenient” while part of me is saying, “Who would make that up,” while a final part says, “That’s exactly what people make up, because who would challenge it?”

So we’re in SB limbo on this one, heavy on the skepticism.

Droogies, if you learn one thing in business, it’s that ‘the benefit of the doubt’ is a fiction. People do what they do. Chips actually DO fall where they may. Obviously I’m not challenging her on this, obviously I’m skeptical, but it’s not like I’m going to demand a death certificate. I told her I was sorry for her loss, and hoped it was peaceful if it’s really the end.

Meanwhile, your beloved SD is looking more like a papa bear than a stud muffin, so I’m going to spend the next couple months not looking for anyone and working out. If ‘R’ comes around, lucky lucky. She gets about 30% less SD for the price of all of me.

If this is a lead in to ‘I need some time to myself – never expect to hear from me again,’ then it is. I’ll be more appealing with a lot more muscle and a lot less fat. In the past I dropped 70 lbs in 4 months. This is a good summer goal for me, so I’ll do it.

It is the positive, Droogies. Nothing is a loss unless you choose to lose. That is, very specifically, what separates the awesome from the ‘awe, damn!’

More will be forthcoming, regardless. You know the gym will be stuffed with gym-bunnies, after all!


Some words of wisdom for Sugar Daddies

One thing that I guarantee you, from years of personal experience:

If you let it, the Internet will eat you alive, spit out the bones, double-bill you for the meal and steal the tip.

You’re doing this online because you’re busy, and you’re likely frustrated with the women you’re finding in the ‘real world.’ You don’t want to be the pathetic older guy trying to scam young hotties at a bar, you damn sure aren’t going to find someone at work, and it is worth your limited time to spend the money and ‘get what you want.’ You can save yourself a lot of grief by following the following, simple rules.

1. Know what you want. Actually write the words down (throw them out once you’re sure of them). Commit your mind to ‘I want to bang a girl in her mid-twenties every time I’m in Vegas,’ or ‘I want to meet a young girl, have a second family in my 40’s/50’s, live in a house with a picket fence and wear slippers.’ It doesn’t matter what you want, because there are girls out there to provide it IF YOU YOURSELF KNOW.

2. Decide what woman meets your needs. There are three types of SB’s: bad accountants, smart whores and wanna-be girlfriends. You are ONLY going to meet women who have dug themselves into a financial hole and can’t get out, women who have decided that they like fucking for money, and women who think that SD’s are just wealthy guys like any other, and an SD site is a place to meet them.

Bad accountants need money, usually pretty badly, pretty quickly, and are more desperate for it. They’re more likely to be receptive to a long-term relationship, but they aren’t going to screw around with texts and emails, because they can’t. They wish they weren’t doing this, so they’re more likely to be focused on one guy, maybe a couple if they have to, and they’re the ones who are going to have the hardest time talking money. You’ll usually get the best ‘deal’ from them if they believe you’re going to stay around.

Smart whores are in this for the cash hit. Their profile will ALWAYS be ‘Strictly SD/SB relationship.’ They’ll tend to have better bodies, because it’s a sales necessity. They’ll get right to the money, usually want an allowance for x-number of meetings per month, and they’ll always have other guys on the side. These are the ones who go from bimbo-to hard-eyed negotiator in the space of a hiccup. They’ll base their charge on your physical shape, and they won’t cry when you break up with them. They could care less if you’re married – some prefer it.

Wanna-be girlfriends will ALWAYS be looking for something more than SD/SB, some won’t even talk money and most want gifts instead. They don’t expect to put out right away because they are actually dating. You’re being fitted for a wedding ring out of the gate with these girls. They’ll want someone who is settled, single, stable, and good enough looking that they won’t be embarrassed to be seen with you. You’re going to meet this girl’s friends and relatives, just like any other girlfriend.

3. NEVER be the first to bat with a price. If the girl wants an allowance, straight up ask her, “What do you need?” Expect her to ask, “What are you looking for?” Because you know, you can tell her in definite terms, and do NOT shade or lie. “I want to see you every other weekend for the whole weekend, and stay in a hotel room with you.” Don’t be crude, but don’t be vague. She already knows how much she wants and how much she needs. If she absolutely won’t spit out a price then remember that this is, at least at the beginning, no different from any other business transaction: low-ball it, expecting her to ask for at least double that.

4. Remember three simple terms: quid pro quo. This for that. A lot of these girls will want thousands up front, even before a meeting, especially the bad accountants. You pay it all up front and you have pretty much taken away the reason why they’re doing this, and it’s not like they’re ever going to pay you back. Whatever it is you want, make sure you get it before you start paying for it. The worst thing you can do is to teach your SB that you’re an ATM machine that she can hit when she’s light.

5. Don’t be stingy. I’ve heard girls talk about guys who want them to pay for the motel room, who want to work out some sort of tax-evasion scam with them involved, etc. Don’t be stupid – this is your hobby. If she’s stressing over a billing scheme, you’re not going to get her best game. At the same time if you take her out and then tell her, “You thought you could put her allowance on your credit card,” or “I’ll pay you double next time,” you’re going to ruin whatever it is you think you have. You could also end up on a ‘beware of this SD’ site, and that’s pretty much death for you.

6. Don’t be needy. It’s weak and it’s off-putting. Texting her, “I love you’s” “for no reason” may seem romantic to you – but getting there before her is going to throw up flags for her. Blowing up her text during working hours or keeping her up all night talking on the phone is going to seem like a waste of her time if you’re not paying for it. Remember – begin this as a business transaction.

7. At the same time, don’t be too distant. If you go the whole week and don’t message her, she’ll likely think you found someone better. Even the smart whores want to hear from you every three days. A ‘is everything cool with you’ text on Tuesday and the Fridays you don’t meet says, “I’m happy with you,” and keeps things cool

8. Don’t get too kinky right away. You may like to tie girls up and spank them, or you may have a HELL of a member and you REALLY want to show her what you can do with it, or you might think that doing it in the shed for sale at Home Depot is the ultimate experience. More power to you – don’t think that this girl is (a) down with it (b) impressed by it or (c) going to just take it with a smile.

Send her on her way with bruises and you’re daring her to report you. She does, and you’re done – there is NO WAY you’re getting the benefit of the doubt when a girl 20 years younger than you says, “I met him on the Internet and he beat me.” By the way, all of those ‘consensual violence’ you can download from BDSM sites are worth exactly what you’re paying for them. She can simply say, “He made me sign that,” and it’s out the window, even if you notarize it.

There ARE women out there who get into this situation just for this reason. Be very wary of the woman who wants to come to your home to be tied up in your dungeon on a first date. There was actually a woman doing this in Florida a few years ago – she’d ask for a drink of water and call 911 on her cell phone. The guy would get picked up, and she’d rob his house with her boyfriend. It took a really long time to catch her, and a lot of guys had some pretty high legal bills because of her.

If BDSM is your thing, then go to a BDSM site – there are young girls there who like older guys. Even then, don’t count on her going full-bore from the first date. I would say that, if you both are into spanking, lashing, rough sex, candle wax, what-have-you, then you ease into it slowly, letting trust build, saving many, many emails and texts where you’ve discussed it and she’s said how much she wants it done to her.

9. Scammers: about 1/2 of the girls you’ll talk to are trying to separate you from your money and will do as little as possible to get it. Most of them are pretty smart about it. Don’t expect this girl to say, “I’m a model stranded in Nigeria, and if you Western Union me $4000 cash, I’ll come home and be yours.” You’re more likely to see, “I need $250 now,” then “I need $500 a week from now,” then “Send me another $500 for some sexy lingerie before we meet,” and then, “Oh, man! My mom is really sick! I’ll have to meet you in a couple weeks,” before she disposes of her disposable phone and surprises you and the other 10 guys she strung along. You might see $1,250 as an unfortunate mistake, where she’s just pocketed 13 large for 2 weeks of work, and now it’s time to change her profile, get a new phone at WalMart and line up the next ten one-handed typers.

Avoid scammers very quickly by asking for a specific picture right away, such as her holding her right earlobe, and tell her why. The scammers will just go away and find someone not-as-smart. Some WILL trying to provide you with a similar girl doing a similar thing – I had one who had three different hair lengths, different tan lines, different body tones, swearing it was just the lighting. If you can speak to her on Skype, that’s the best of all worlds.

Do NOT be afraid to ask for naked pictures if you have to travel to meet this girl, or fly her to you. You’d be surprised how much leeway there is in ‘a few extra pounds.’ You have a right to be attracted to the person you’re looking for. The serious girls will come to a compromise with you – the ones who won’t often have something to hide.

10. There’s one last aspect to any set of rules: knowing when to break them.

You could meet a girl perfect for you, who is simply deep in a hole, and she’s going to reward your generosity with loyalty her whole life

You could meet the nympho of your dreams who is going to give you a year of weekends in Vegas better than you ever dreamed of and, no matter how wild you want it, she’s there for you

You could meet your next and final wife, who like you just never met the right one, until now.

God bless you if it happens. Don’t ACT like it’s a given. Most people who are going to lie won’t put it in writing – they’re more suspicious than you are and they’ll just disappear.

Remember – it’s a business transaction, at least to start. It may or may not change, but if you start with your feet on the ground, you’re a lot less likely to fly into a mountainside.


Sugar Babies and Hot Lead

Since she got her saddle, communications have kind of fallen off with ‘R’, which isn’t good, however it was Easter weekend, and I was all involved in being pissed off at the world, so there ya go. Cut the honey some slack.

Sent her a text yesterday and got a couple back, but the conversation didn’t go far. Finally, I asked her when she was getting off work Friday, knowing it’s a three-hour drive from there to here.

6:00pm. This means that the earliest she’ll be here is 9pm, and you can imagine she’s going to be a fiery, red-hot animal between the sheets after working all day, then the drive, especially considering she wants to go back on Saturday. So I propose I just go there and meet her after work. I’ve got a house-screening meeting to pick floors and colors on Friday at 2p, so I’ll likely be out at 4p and there by 7pm if I go the whole way. Now I’m thinking of naked chick waiting for me in the hotel room.

She texts, “No, it’s ok,” and doesn’t respond to my next text, but I know she’s doing a late night. I also know I’m making a lot of excuses for this girl.

Today I send her a text, “Another late night tonight?” because I want to hear her voice tonight and gauge what’s going on. Years in sales, I’ll tell more from your tone of voice in a minute than you could tell me in an hour.

“I have court after work,” she tells me.

Well, isn’t THAT an interesting development? Elucidate on ‘having court.’ Seems she pulled a pistol on a guy who was pestering her a couple months ago, and somehow the law got involved. I googled the incident and got nothing, so I tend to think she didn’t blow him away. Now she has a court appearance and she doesn’t know if her lawyer is good, and she’s overwhelmed by the whole thing.

OK, first of all, this is in the great state of Georgia, and it could be bad. GA is trying to be democrat as hard as it can, so expect some REALLY restrictive gun control laws. Second, expect litigators who see the future wanting to have convictions under their belt. She gets convicted on ‘threatening with a gun,’ as it is called in GA, and at best we’re thinking she’s in GA for the next year, at worst she’s asking me to care for her horses while she’s in prison.

Another aspect of this is, “Do you pay her attorney’s fees,” which would hit five figures faster than you could imagine. I like ‘R’ but I don’t have that sort of commitment to her yet.

She doesn’t have a lot of money at all, so she could have a public defender, and that’s never good. You could think yourself into a chasm in no time in a situation like this.

SO the dealio is for her to call your beloved SD after court, and tell me what’s going on. Give me the facts, I’ll know the solution.

You know, at the beginning of this blog, I made the point that I could go to Thailand or even Mexico and get a girl for a few grand and be done with it.

I might start looking into that.

Keep tuned, my droogies!


Holidays piss me off

Happy Easter.

I think it’s an important holiday – I barely acknowledge it. I don’t go to church because they’re all Baptist here and I’m not one. I’m on the outs with my daughter, the Little Treasure, still, but both of my kids spend the day with their mom anyway, so there ya go. The new SB spent the day with her parents, though she may come up early on Friday. I’ve got her for the weekend regardless, but not this weekend.

My mom was an artist, my dad was a super-achiever in banking. Artist = insane. Sorry, it’s true – just a matter of time. She went koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs around 40 and living with her was hell, and the holidays were the worst. Her own family fell apart and didn’t talk, and she was convinced that my dad’s family was out to get her, so we’d stay home in a 21 room house, have some extravagant dinner that was always ruined somehow, she’s bitch at us and drink too much, and I’d get the hell out of there as fast as I freaking could.

I think my work ethic comes from how much I didn’t want to be in the house, and saying, “I have a job,” was sacrosanct.

I used to like cinnamon buns, so she’d make them and bitch about how hard they were. One Thanksgiving I was tasked with taking the pan out of the oven. I’d never done that before, reaching the pan out I overcompensated for the weight of the buns and hot, caramelized sugar ran over the base of my thumb. I was 13 I think. I screamed and tried to put the pan down, but actually stood in my way demanding to know what my problem was. My the time I could put the pan down I had a divot in my hand and a few blisters and it hurt like hell.

No way were we going to the emergency room on Thanksgiving. That would be inconvenient and embarrassing, and mom had done a lot of work on food that would be ruined. Instead we sat at the table in good clothes, I held my hand while my mom shot me looks and bitched at me for ruining another holiday. At the end of the meal I got to choke down a cinnamon roll because she went through a LOT of trouble, and I was damn well going to eat them.

36 years later I haven’t eaten another one. It is the first thing I think of every single holiday. I’d cook for the kids on Thanksgiving if I had them, or on Christmas, but I can’t stand the idea of a tree in the house or too much food at the table for just that reason.

So today I took my son out to breakfast at IHop, then came home and made sure I’d made the last patch on the outdoor irrigation system successfully, and then took a nap. Dinner was cold pizza and a beer. Now I’m off to bed.

Sorry so down this time, my droogies. This one is more about venting than anything else.


Sugar Daddy, not ATM

Hello, my droogies. Yesterday was big – signed on the construction loan for the NEW HOUSE, got the check for the Little Treasure’s wrecked Jetta, and arranged for the Ford F250 to have a new engine put in it. It went across the country twice pulling a trailer, once through a snow storm, and survived all manner of abuse and duty, but it didn’t hold up against my daughter and a weekend pulling horses in trailers.

I’m thinking by ‘pull’ we mean the most over-loaded trailer she could find, as fast as she could go, in low-end 4wd. It’s the only thing explaining 2 cylinders going out in an engine that got a clean bill of health in December.

Anyway, with all of this going on, ‘R’ calls and her saddle is done, and she wants it so she can compete this weekend. She’s been borrowing a saddle and the person she’s been borrowing it from is also competing.

First of all, I DO understand how frustrating it is to have something at your finger tips and not have it, and what a pain it is to share a saddle when you compete.

That said, I’ve know her two weeks and she’s wanting to ring up $2000 total on an unbalanced ledger. That requires a talking to. I tell her to call me and she misses the first night because she’s working late, and then calls me last night.

So now I’m kind of disgruntled and thinking that I’m just an ATM to this girl. Characteristic of a ‘player’ SB to come in, give up first or second base, then come on with a bunch of bills until the supply runs out, and roll. I’ve actually read girls’ blogs where they talk about how to do this and get the most from the SD.

Honestly, I think ‘R’ would move into the current house if I would let her. She doesn’t like her current situation and she’s sick of getting by on around $250/wk. She sent me a few scanty pics of herself and we talked about not treating me like a sick uncle, and she also let me know she would wait if I needed her to. I don’t see a problem with it.

But you want to discuss these things up front, not let them fester. Also talked about birth control (she’ll use whatever I tell her to use, which is good because I don’t like rubbers), and anything she might be into. I’m back to the sub vibe from her. She made a sarcastic remark to me and I told her I should spank her, and she left that kind of neutral.

Next weekend she’s coming up here for a thorough boning. That weekend is all about what I want, and she knows what she’s in for. Then we’ll know if I just wasted $2k (which, seriously, I’d give a stranger if they had a legitimate need) or if I’ve found the SB I’m looking for.

Either way, I’m going on a diet!

Yours always,


Hello, my droogies, from snowy Tennessee

You know how you move to the south and think, “The weather is always beautiful – I’m going to lie in my hammock and drink sweet tea and be tan all the time?”

Yeah… no.

Right now it is 37 degrees here and it was snowing a few hours ago. My horse, who HATES her blanket, is avoiding me every time I go out to the upper pasture to throw it over her. If I don’t get it on her soon that mare is going to be in some real trouble tonight.

Meanwhile, my good friend and co-consultant at the company I’m programming for is quitting, and the guy we work for wants to review my work sometime soon and talk direction. This likely means I’m going to either get his work, or get fired. The job has been sweet for a long time, so fired would be kinda bad. I was wanting to ride this horse ’till the end of the year. It’s going to be what it’s going to be, tho. There’s a local company that wanted me for decent money, which I can consider if I want. Don’t worry, your Sugar Daddy isn’t going to run out of Sugar any time soon.

Which is a good thing, because ‘R’ wants a new saddle for $1,200. She somewhat uncoyly informed me that her custom saddle was done, and she couldn’t wait to get it. My response was “Then I guess I’m going to have an AMAZING time with you Friday after next.”

I was planning for her to come here for the weekend that weekend – meaning that I have to have my son stay here with the animals while I get us a hotel room with a hot tub in it. I plan to show her the property but I seriously don’t want her sleeping in it.

You know, there’s a thing about getting in life to where I am – the getting there. I never really had a nice house. When I was building my first business, I actually spent a couple months picking what days I was going to eat on, so there was plenty for the kids. I drove for a couple weeks with no insurance because I couldn’t pay the bill, I came within 2 days of having the house taken over by the bank (no kidding – I had to Fed Ex the check to cover the house payment).

The house I live in is a shit hole but it doesn’t bother me. The floors don’t cave in, the ceiling doesn’t leak, the house itself isn’t heated or air conditioned but I use a space heaters. That shit just doesn’t impress me. Like, until it died a month ago, I drove a 10 year old Ford F250. It did what it did and it didn’t bother me.

“R” is going to live with me in the new house when it’s built. Like I said, she’s the long haul girls. I could end up in a marriage scenario with her if I want it and she’s made it clear, “Take good care of me and I’m yours.”

As pretty as she is, I’m surprised by it, but then this is the SouthEast and, frankly, there are plenty of guys who love their mom, their beer and their pick up truck, and that’s it. She’s had a hard go of it in the world of equestrian pursuits, and an older guy without money issues is likely really nice.

So she wants a new saddle, and she understands that’s she’s getting bent over to get it. I could also have told her that she could just save her $250/wk allowance and I don’t think she would have split on me, but seriously, I’d rather she have it. I’ll probably go down there next trip to see her ride (and bend her over again).

Other things going on: the new loan gets signed on and becomes a commitment tomorrow. Before I make the first payment on it, I plan to have it and the truck be my only bills. This means that, with the cool stuff, I could STILL be the WalMart greeter and make ends meet.

I’m not GOING to, but I could.

A lot of this is to let people (especially Sugar Babies) who read this see into the mind of an actual SD. You see Dallas on TV and you think you see rich people – I’d eat any one of them for lunch. This is what my idiot second ex-wife never got: being wealthy isn’t about spending it, which is why most lotto winners are in worst shape financially 2 years after winning than the month before. Being wealth is about understanding the difference between broke and poor, between condition and circumstance. For the last 20 years, if I’ve wanted something I essentially bought it on the spur – I just don’t want that much, and what I want is usually designed to make me better off than I am right now.

What I want right now is R, bent over or not. I really like that girl