Married Sugar Babies?

So I’m contacted the other day by a very pretty girl who says I need a ‘real’ sugar baby, which would be her.

She has a lot of the right markers: she’s a geek, nice breasts, clearly intelligent, very frank about what she’s looking for.

She was a few hundred miles away, which kinda blows. The last one spoiled me in that I could get my hands on her any time I wanted. Can’t say enough good things about sex when you want it.

So as I get to know her better, it turns out she’s married, and that her husband ‘can never know.’

OK, I won’t do that with a woman who ISN’T a sugar baby, much less one who is. The closest I’ve come to it was in Orlando in the 90’s when I taught a few couples about BDSM. That experience came from my being in the SCA in college, which is a post for a different day.

No, I don’t want someone’s wife. I really can’t see myself wanting an SB who’s married, though I’m certain there’s room in the Sugar Bowl for them, too. I’d imagine you could tell yourself that there’s no chance of that relationship becoming too serious. I could also imagine the husband finding out you’re paying his wife for sex, and then killing you. This girl claimed after I balked that she was in an open marriage, but no. More power to her, and always love a loyal fan, but not with a married girl.

So the hunt goes on, tracking in the snow this week. Wow, what bad weather, huh? I had to leave the blankets on the horses for three days, and just took them off today. They were rolling around like crazy trying to get their fur to fluff back out. Then they had to charge all over the pasture.

Would probably get a hell of a ride, but in the deep snow you’re REALLY risking a fall, and it isn’t worth it.

Ahhh – what does THAT compare to?

Keep warm, my droogies!

SD

The Begging after the Talk

Hello, my droogies. You’re getting a lot of attention lately, but you deserve it.

It’s also REALLY cold outside.

So, two days after ‘The Talk,’ comes the call, the “why don’t you want to see me anymore,” and, of course, the “you make me feel like I’m just being discarded.”

A little inside baseball for you, I was raised in large part by a stay-at-home mom who was also a drunken artist, totally self-absorbed and who REALLY got off on turning people against each other. So, for example, if my sister or I got a grade, then it was IMMEDIATELY reason for ol’ mom to look at the other of us and say, “See how much better your sibling is than you.”

When your teachers do this, it makes you competitive. When your parents do this, it makes you hate everyone else, because they are all a source of degradation. It also gives you a predatory desire to sniff out and exploit weakness, because their weakness becomes your strength by the rules of the way the game is played.

And, of course, mom clapped her hands and congratulated every vulgar act as proof that she ‘was doing a good job as a parent.’

Fast forward, the future, and the Sugar Baby who claims to just want to spend time with me, even if it’s late at night, just for a little while, just to stay in my life.

And there is honestly two parts of me that go to war. The one is soft-hearted, the one who wants to rescue every puppy in the pound, that forgives and understands every transgression and moves forward over and over again across the same rocky ground, looking for the seeds he planted.

The other says, “Wow, I could get this chick to do ANYTHING.” If you’ve ever met the guy who likes to see women together not because it’s a rush to him, but because it’s humiliating to them, or who loves to REALLY ram his cock up her ass to make sure she’s crapping blood for a week, you’ve met the guy whose mother did a number on him, and let me tell you it’s a lot more common than you think. The 70’s and 80’s parents were the 60’s imbeciles who learned to self-medicate, hallucinate and pat themselves on the backs for all of their parents’ hard work, and a good portion of them were really BAD parents for those reasons.

Not all, but a lot. And comes a point when you look at mom and dad, who whispered ‘little secrets’ about each others’ affairs and each others’ transgressions behind each others’ backs, and you have to say, “That’s not going to be,” or you get to end up like them.

So between these two little advisors, one-per-shoulder, I told the usual guy-lie of “I’m REALLY swamped with work, I don’t think I’ll even be able to see you this month.”

To which she offers to wait until next month, if we can get the relationship back.

Which is weakness, which rings all sorts of bells, which says both, “She loves you,” and “You’re the best whale she ever landed.” Thirty days with this chick cost me over $3,000 in cash, tires and furniture, and a whole week of that was her being sick.

In general, when I’m counting the money, it’s a sign to me that I don’t have feelings for the girl. You’re talking to the guy who dropped $2k on a Bowflex Tread Climber just because. In fact I’m really focused now on getting everything paid off earlier than I have to (this was the past year of the new house, the new F150 Laredo 4WD with the off-road package, the new tractor and the Little Treasure announcing that she’s marrying the walking tool). So if I don’t have her come to me with her hand out, then I’m missing nothing.

To be honest, I’m expecting her to want me to cover the cost of towing and fixing her god mother’s car, to the tune of, “Well, I paid to fix it, and now there’s no food in the house, so you’re REALLY giving me the money.” That will simply piss me off.

So, I played the passive-aggressive. “Yes, wait a month and call me if you want.” Call me, and tell me you need like $1,500 or the loan shark you had to go to will sell your daughter to an Arab sheik. Call me, and tell me that you’ve been eating Ramen for breakfast and dinner while your mom lives in your house rent-free and smokes pot that you pay for. Call me, and tell me your car’s been in a wreck because your god mother has been borrowing it, and couldn’t out run the cops and avoid a DUI.

Who knows – maybe I’ll be in such a mood from work, I’ll get to see you and some other chick spank each other or use a double-ended dildo. Wouldn’t THAT be a nice blog post?

You know, my droogies, the more time I spend in the Sugar Bowl, the more I appreciate the companionship of my dog.

Yours always,

SD

The Talk After

Hello, my droogies.

Late on Friday, I was informed by the garage that my F250 was done. The Little Treasure blew the engine on it this year, and I got it back with no working brake lights. I finally got around to dropping it off last Monday, and now I needed a ride to get to it.

So I called the new girl, which gave her the opportunity to vent her spleen. I called her in the morning when I got up, and she told me she’d be over in ‘a little bit,’ which turned out to be 2 hours later. We chatted and had small talk for a bit and then she asked if I wanted to see her any more.

I asked if she knew what had pissed me off. She said, “Yes,” and I asked her “What, then?” and she told me she shouldn’t have asked for a favor.

OK, that’s not just plain ignorant, it’s a loaded answer. That is essentially, “I didn’t do anything wrong, here’s your unreasonable response to my reasonable action.” I didn’t let it slide.

“No,” I said. “I told you I didn’t want to go bail out your god mother, and you kept after me for it. This is on top of the argument with my daughter AND your using the credit card for stuff I didn’t authorize, so you really pissed me off.”

So she immediately made it about her, and I got to listen for 10 minutes about how we’re supposedly in a relationship, how she expected she could come to me with anything, how this made her feel an inch tall and how it made her feel disposable, because I asked her not to call me for a while, and I barked at her when she did.

I wonder how many women realize that they can make their case brilliantly and still lose the argument. Her goal here is show why this is my fault, where it SHOULD be to reconcile (if she wants to continue, which she apparently did). Blame, no matter where it lies, doesn’t gain her anything other than a feeling of vindication that she can’t cash in on.

Frankly, it just reinforced how I already felt. Take her back and she’s going to do it again – and I’m sure she now how bills for fixing the god mother’s car.

So she dropped my off at the garage, I gave her a kiss, and said she could call if she wants. A couple hours later I texted her to tell her I’m going to be busy tonight.

So ends the tale of the new girl.

Don’t worry, my droogies. Life goes on

SD

Doubling Down

Hello, my droogies.

First of all – thanks for all of the feedback on the issue the other day. It’s good to have other opinions and to weigh what I’m think against what outside eyes observe.

So around 4pm, same day, same girl, I get a phone call.

“Are you still at work?”

Well, I work from home, so what she must mean is “Am I still working.” In fact, it was neither.

“I’m out buying feed,” I said, because I was on my way to the local hardware store to get 50 lbs of oats.

“OK,” she says. “Where do you want to get together?”

She is STILL on the deal with the AAA. Seriously.

“I’m not meeting you anywhere,” I said. “I’m getting feed, I’m going back to the house, and I’m going to program for a while.”

“Oh,” she said. “So, I guess I should get a tow truck or something?”

“Whatever you need to do,” I said.

She says, “OK,” and I say “Goodbye,” and hang up the phone.

Don’t think this is over, my droogies.

I walk in the hardware store and she calls back. I answer and she wants to know if I’m mad about anything.

Gee – ya think?

I tell her I can’t talk about it here, because I’m in the middle of a hardware store where people know me, and I’m not going to argue like a teen-ager on my cell. AGAIN, she won’t let it go. “Are you mad at me?” “I’ll talk to you about it later.” “But are you mad at me?”

So I just hang up and get my feed.

AND it is STILL not over, my droogies.

I get home, I feed the horses, I take off to go shopping, she calls back again.

OK, now this is getting really irritating. “Hello.”

“What did I do wrong?” I’m fed up with this so I tell her. I’m not here to bail out your close acquaintances. It’s not my job, having known you just a month, to drop everything and go rescue your god mother.

Ladies, do you want to have the undying respect of the men you’re with? When you’re wrong, admit it. I can’t tell you how that elevates you in a man’s eyes. What the new girl did, however, was the opposite. Like most women will do, she began to explain to me why I was wrong to feel like I did, and how she clearly wasn’t doing what she was clearly doing.

And I didn’t let her off on it, or let it go. Very specifically, I told her I made it clear that I didn’t want to do this, and she was pushing me on it, and it made me question whether I wanted a relationship with her.

So she asked if I wanted her to go shopping with me. Or if I wanted her to come over later. By the way, she was coming over now to drop off the credit card.

Which was good, because they’re a pain to cancel.

I let her know where she could leave the credit card, and I got off of the phone. I took my time shopping and when I came back the card was there with a note, “Thanks for everything, always yours,” making me think she was done with it.

An hour later she sent me a text with her in a sexy dress, saying, “Thinking of you.” To which I didn’t respond.

My droogies, if I’d have bailed her out, who among you doesn’t think the next question would be, “Can you fix her car?” Do that and I’m the family savior, and who the FUCK wants that?

Because she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong, she’ll do it again, which is a real shame because I really liked this one. I may or may not see her again, but she’s out of trust and she is DEFINATELY off of the payroll.

Life goes on, my droogies.

Yours always,

SD

A very specific line not to cross

This happens in and out of the sugar bowl – I can sort of see why it happens, but it never should.

I get a call this morning, and it’s from the new girl. I’m working so I don’t answer, so she sends a text to say it’s important.

I call her back. Her god mother’s car has broken down, can she use my AAA to get a free tow?

Seriously – WTF? I understand that you want to help your god mother, that she’s important in your life, whatever. I pay for AAA so I can use it if I need to. Your god mother doesn’t think to take care of this and now I’m supposed to drop everything, run down to where her car is broken down and wait for AAA to get there?

No. So I tell her (truthfully) I’m working on a program, it’s going to take all day, I don’t have time.

“So, how about after work?”

In other words, you’re going to push this. Mothers, teach your daughters: No means, “No.” When a guy says, “I don’t want to do something,” even if you get him to do it by some work-around or word game, you’re going to get a LOT of resentment for pushing it, which is what I’m feeling now.

“Well, we’re still getting together today, right?”

No, we’re fucking not, because now I’m pissed off at you, this comes after a big argument with the Little Treasure last night, and frankly I’m going to be alone for a while now. While I like you a lot, this relationship is young, and easy-in is easy-out.

The Little Treasure (my daughter, for those new to the blog) defined herself by the other line that is bad to cross: being late. I was going out to eat, I called her and her ‘man’ and asked if they weren’t doing anything. I told them that if they can make it to the restaurant I was going to in 20 minutes, I’d buy dinner. “Oh, yeah – no problem.”

I sit at a table like a chump for 1/2 an hour waiting for them, when I get a text saying, “They’re almost there, they ran an errand first.”

In other words, “I want a free dinner, but hey, I’m not going to be inconvenienced. That’s for you – after all, I’m letting you buy us dinner.”

So I took the order to go and, just as it was about to be delivered, they show up, and I tell them to roust the fuck out. Of COURSE the Little Treasure believes that I need to understand that she’s a busy person, so I start looking for the manager to kick her out for me, and she’s gone.

When I got home I cancelled her credit cards. Enjoying being busy and important.

The new girl could NOT have known that she was piling on this. What she SHOULD have known is that I’m in a relationship with HER, not her fucking extended family. I don’t even want to MEET these people, I sure as hell don’t want to drive for an hour to bail them out with my AAA card so that I can end up paying for my own tow later. There are lines in a relationship that you just don’t cross. Be it the Sugar Bowl or a normal relationship, your boyfriend/ significant other isn’t your errand boy, and the fact that I thought to take care of myself doesn’t mean that I’m here to take care of slacker relations who don’t think to take care of themselves

It’s not like I’m asking her to run out and pick up my dry cleaning, clean my house or do my grocery shopping for me, and she’d likely feel pretty cheap if I did.

OK, that’s all from your angry SD, my droogies. We’ll see how this all works out

SD

Trust on butterfly wings

If you touch a butterfly’s wings, they say it won’t ever fly again. I happen to know that’s only true for some butterflies under some conditions, but there you go.

Break trust and it’s gone – that’s a fact. Even if there’s a good reason, you never get those feelings of ‘what if’ back. While no one is perfect, if you want to see a common problem among Sugar Daddies, it’s an itch in the backs of our minds that this girl just sees us as an ATM.

So does the new girl go forth (and by new, she’s the one I’ve been seeing for a month, so for me that’s pretty well established) with my credit card in her hand to bet herself a sectional couch at Big Lots.

OK, cheapo me, right? Well, it’s the one she wanted, so who am I to argue? I was going to go down there with her, load the thing into the back of the pick up and then take it to her place.

1. I really don’t want to go to her place
2. I have about 100 things to do (he says, as he blogs), and I don’t WANT to go load furniture at Big Lots and
3. She’s been pestering me for this couch because her old one sucks, so I really want this on the back burner.

So she came over yesterday for some afternoon sex and I give her one of the kids’ credit cards (I have a couple CC’s with small limits that I’ll give to the kids if they need a loan, so I don’t have to worry about getting creamed with a big bill if they go nuts) so she can get the couch.

And a matching coffee table and end tables

And then go out to dinner

And then get McDonalds for her kid.

Yeah…….

I ask her about it this morning. She ‘really needed’ the table (and, in fact, I expected that – that’s being a girl), and her dad took her to get the sectional, and he wanted dinner for his efforts. Then she was tired and her kid was hungry.

What she SHOULD have done was text, obviously. “Can I use the card to pay back my dad for hauling this for me, so you didn’t have to?” “Such a deal!” would have been my reply.

I’ve had two ex-wives and neither could be trusted with a check book, much less a credit card. The Little Treasure, say what you will, can balance her accounts because I put a LOT of effort into teaching her how. Even she’s betrayed me (hence the existence of the card). The new girl was very upset and guilty because she got ahead of herself in the relationship and thought, “I’m his girl, I can do these things because he put the card in my hot little hand.”

And so is trust wounded, but lives on to fight another day, with caution. It did take the shine off, and it was that easy. Get right down to it and it’s a cheap price for a reality call. I was falling for her too fast.

At least I gave her the ‘little’ card. She couldn’t get me into much trouble with that.

OK, my droogies. Life marches on. More to come as it happens.

SD