The Train Wreck that is the American Male

Why does a 20 year old want a 50 year old like me?

OK, I have money, but I’m not a lotto winner. I’m overweight (working on it – price of programming), full head of hair (but I’m letting it grow long so I can donate it to Panteen to make wigs for cancer patients, so I look like hell). My job is stable but it involves me sitting in front of a computer most of the time, so I’m that irritating “guy who’s here but not here” that women really, REALLY hate.

So I look at my competition. Oh, my God – what have we done to America?

A boy is born in the US today and they hustle him into school as fast as they can, telling his mother that she’s not a whole woman if she doesn’t have “a job.” Like raising children isn’t a real job? My mom was an alcoholic disaster who beat me, but she was there.

In school, the boy is told that anything aggressive is bad. He’s told that when you compete, it’s “just for fun” and there really are no winners. He’s told it’s OK to play sports, but why keep score? That’s no fun! Just kick the ball. When it’s time for awards, everyone gets one so that no one feels bad.

If he steps out of this role (and every hormone in his body is telling him to) then he’s on Ritalin faster than you can punish him, which they also do. The only time it’s acceptable to single out anyone is when the growing boy steps out of this crushing role. Then he has a teacher of either sex telling him how aggression needs to be suppressed, success is a trick, no one has a chance so accept mediocrity.

Socially, he’s told that even touching a girl without permission is a crime. He’s told that he can’t look at her and that anything more than “good morning” and “you look ‘sharp'” are offensive and, of course, punishable. On TV, he sees women who are strong and smart and capable, who can beat the ass of men three times their size, and men who are dopey, weak (except as bad guys) and desperately need guidance.

In his video games and on what passes for literature for him, women are buxom, powerful and, always, correct. Even the villains.

Strong women don’t bring a man down – far from it. But the 20 year old today has been thoroughly indoctrinated in the idea that a woman’s strength CANNOT be challenged – that’s oppression by males and one of the worst things a man can do. Every time he’s tried to assert himself, he’s been told, “That’s too aggressive,” as he’s informed that his female compatriots doing the same thing are, “Empowering themselves.”

Boys being boys has become a warning, rather than a way of life.

So now he’s in his 20’s and probably hasn’t gone to college (in the US, women outnumber males in college and male attendance is at a record low). He’s doing what work he can find, which right now isn’t much after grunt labor, and there are plenty in line for that. Thanks to a lifetime of medication and being told, “No, don’t assert yourself,” he lacks the strength of character to pull himself up by his boot straps. He lives with his parents or with whoever will pay for him, he loses himself in a world of video games and other distractions, and he lets life pass him by.

Why bother doing anything else? If he goes out to meet women, God help him if he finds one. The laws are so unevenly skewed to punish him that it’s not worth the risk.

For example, by almost every law in every state, a man and a woman go to a bar, have a couple drinks, go home together and have sex.

She has MONTHS to decide that she was unfit to give consent. He is busted the moment she does. Even if the case doesn’t make, it’s on his record forever. God help him if she was under 18 using a fake ID (a felony). In that case he’s classified as a sex offender and his life is ruined.

So our young male, even if he CAN date, had better be willing to ask for ID or take his chances. No wonder there’s been in upsurge in ‘cougars,’ older women who like younger men. At least the male is safe! It also plays in to this whole subservient role he’s been thrust into. In fact, it probably makes perfect sense to him that she’s the provider, director and pursuer.

So here’s the young woman in her 20’s, and she’s been so ‘acknowledged for her strength’ that she’s about to vomit. Frankly, she’s had a hard week where she makes barely more than her counterpart does (but has college to pay off) and and she doesn’t WANT to decide where to eat, what to eat, what to see, where to go after, how far they’re going, when and how it should feel. She wants a MALE, and she just can’t find one.

Even military guys are letting her down because THAT’s become a joke. Boot camp is now ‘camp,’ because boots hurt their feet. They’re indoors for the entire experience, they can call a time out if it’s too stressful, they can call for an administrative review of what’s going on at ANY time, and they go home on weekends. They can leave the service in 60 days if it’s “not for them.”

I served for 7 years and I can tell you, with that preparation, they’re coming home from our next war in body bags.

So she finds me. I’d say more than half of the girls I talk to don’t just want a tough guy, they’re so wound up they want a rough guy. “Spank me!” “Tie me up!” “Punish me.” Hear it all the time. I’m the first to say, “Don’t BDSM with strangers.” There’s a million horror stories of people getting set up or ending up with more than they can handle, but in the long view it all fits. She’s so riled up, those endorphins are howling to her.

This was long, my droogies, but it’s heart felt, and I don’t expect anyone to agree with all of it, but it’s just sad who quickly the American male, who chased down goals and taught himself how to do ANYTHING and still had time for a wife and kids, is this pathetic, helpless, directionless couch mold.

Yours, as ever,

SD

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4 thoughts on “The Train Wreck that is the American Male

  1. I agree with parts of this, however, there are parts that rankle me. I mean, it’s a simplification of certain things. Yes, I think the brand of feminism that is being touted these days is killing off the natural, innate, genetic predisposition of womanliness and masculinity. But certain things DID need to be addressed. Such as the fact we live in a rape culture which automatically blames the victim. A woman cannot be drunk, clothed scantily, unsupervised after dark, walking alone down a street, or change her mind midway through and ask to stop. It is automatically her fault. And I am of the mindset that I could be roaring drunk and naked as a jaybird walking down an alley in the middle of the night and will STILL have the right to say, “You can’t put your penis inside me, thanks.” and have that upheld. Because men are thinking creatures. They should stop their impulses. I am not simply a meathole.

    With that being said, I can’t take a weak male. I’m a strong woman who needs someone to be just a little more strong than I am or else I feel masculine. I take care of business because of the world I was born into and the obligations I have had to cover because men are no longer men. But I didn’t start out this way, and I don’t particularly enjoy the fact I have to be.

    So, as the mother of boys AND girls, my boys are taught to be men…maybe it’ll even kick in some day, lord willing lol. And my girls are taught to be strong and resilient and to recognize the difference between genuine, good, authentic men and what is passing for men in this day and age. And most of the problem with men’s behavior isn’t even stemming from what you listed. It’s a country that idealizes doing what we want when we want it. It’s a society that says boys will be boys and doesn’t encourage them to actually grow up. It’s a society that put down intelligence and built up the buffoon. It’s a society that doesn’t hold people accountable for their actions and tells everyone they have a right to be offended by everything under the sun. I am dealing with men who are not men. They are pseudo men. And not because women are becoming more powerful, but because men are encouraged to become players and jackasses who look for the whores and look for the easy ones and don’t even know what a good woman would look like if she threw her awesomeness right up in his lap.

    Gah, how I wish I could take a visit to 17th century Scotland where men were men and women were women, both were strong, but there weren’t all these skewered views of our individual roles to contend with, and a woman could submit and know the man was both worthy of submission and would undoubtedly step into his role and honor her for the rest of their lives because her submission would be viewed as so much more than a game of domination and whom is weaker and/or less.

    That’s my rant. Sorry…I do that sometimes…

    • I agree, there’s no behavior or mode of dress that a woman can partake in, where anyone should say, “I get to force sex on her now.”

      My problem is the woman who decides days later, “That sex shouldn’t have happened, even though I didn’t object at the time,” and successfully cry rape.

      The way the law is written now, you and I go, tie one on, have sex and wake up the next day, and you couldn’t consent because you were drunk.

      But it’s sexism to hold men and women to a different standard.

      I also agree that there is a culture right now which is teaching our boys, “Be a goofy, slacking, video-game-addicted loser.” But their susceptibility to it is a product of the media they’re exposed to, the education system that says, “Competing is bad, aggression is wrong, and too much energy needs to be medicated out of you.”

      In general, thanks for posting – people like you keep me writing.

      • Like I said, there were many points in your entry that I agree with. I think there’s a lot more to it, that’s why I chimed in. I have been following along, so it’s good you keep writing. I enjoy this look into a world I don’t revolve in. That’s what good writing does for you.

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