It’s time to touch the third rail – and I’m the guy to do it.
No one is happy about how they look. Not even Alyssa Milano at her ‘happy weight.’ Everyone wants to have a bigger this, flatter that, or perkier those. Everyone, without exception.
So here I am, talking to the M prospect, whom I REALLY like, and I’d love to go out and do some things like dance, hit the beach, lay out by the club pool, blah blah blah.
“No, I don’t want to do that,” she tells me. “I am still losing baby weight from six months ago, and I’m not comfortable with my body.”
Like I said, we’re touching the third rail. As I type this, my ultra-sensitive ears can hear future readers bridling. Some women have a REALLY hard time losing that weight. I know all about it, because the original Mrs. SD went through it, to the point that she STILL hadn’t lost it when we had the Little Treasure, 4 years later.
And like M, she didn’t want to go out in public until she had the flat stomach back, which of course never happened, and we got divorced, not because she didn’t look good but because she was such a freaking DRAG to be around.
I don’t have a flat stomach. Even when I used to model (in college), I didn’t have more than 4 of a six-pack, and that was in the 80’s when I was making $150/hr doing it. I know that society is MUCH more forgiving to guys, but I never wanted her to go out with society, I wanted her to go out with ME.
Ladies, when you’re with the right guy, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. That’s not poetry, that is a fact, and I can show you several dozen highly successful, beautiful models who live in misery because their awesome looks can’t get them past their blah personalities if I need to prove it. Quite frankly, I would knock a Kaley Cuoco on her ass to get to M.
If you REALLY want to piss a guy off, let him cinch up his courage, tell you that you’re beautiful and that he wants to show you off, and correct him. That is, hands down, the most frustrating, irritating, unforgivable slight you can hand down, and most of you don’t realize it, because someone told you when you were entering puberty that your looks are about you.
By definition, your looks are about how others perceive you until that time that you have an IV installed and surround yourself with an octagon of mirrors. If a guy you’re legitimately interested in tells you you’re beautiful, telling him, “Well, I won’t go out until I’m MORE beautiful” is an incredible turn off, and most guys will start looking for someone else the first time you say it.
The worst part of this: her answer is that she’ll come over to the hotel, we’ll go up to my room and screw. Sorry, ladies, that is NOT paradise, that is a couple hours of awesome and the rest of the day of boring. If I’m so into her that I can spend a whole day locked up in a room with her and just talk to her, then I need to figure that out on my own, it can’t be forced on me. When it comes after, “I don’t want to do anything fun because of my body,” it just ain’t gonna happen.
And yes, there’s the whole, “Well, if you give her time,” argument – but I’m not going on vacation to conduct therapy, neither am I convinced that this problem gets better for most women with time. Personal experience says it doesn’t.
Ladies, the bottom line is this: if your looks are important to you, that’s great. If they’re keeping you in a dark room starving yourself, that’s dementia and, if they’re amazing to the person you’re interested in, then who gives a flying crap about what anyone else thinks? Seriously, were you planning to go out dancing and take on the room? Were you hoping to get someone better at the pool? If you were, more power to you, but good luck convincing the man who’s amazed by you that doing that makes you better.
Take care, my droogies!