Ladies, let talk about your bodies

It’s time to touch the third rail – and I’m the guy to do it.

No one is happy about how they look.  Not even Alyssa Milano at her ‘happy weight.’  Everyone wants to have a bigger this, flatter that, or perkier those.  Everyone, without exception.

So here I am, talking to the M prospect, whom I REALLY like, and I’d love to go out and do some things like dance, hit the beach, lay out by the club pool, blah blah blah.

“No, I don’t want to do that,” she tells me.  “I am still losing baby weight from six months ago, and I’m not comfortable with my body.”

Like I said, we’re touching the third rail.  As I type this, my ultra-sensitive ears can hear future readers bridling.  Some women have a REALLY hard time losing that weight.  I know all about it, because the original Mrs. SD went through it, to the point that she STILL hadn’t lost it when we had the Little Treasure, 4 years later.

And like M, she didn’t want to go out in public until she had the flat stomach back, which of course never happened, and we got divorced, not because she didn’t look good but because she was such a freaking DRAG to be around.

I don’t have a flat stomach.  Even when I used to model (in college), I didn’t have more than 4 of a six-pack, and that was in the 80’s when I was making $150/hr doing it.  I know that society is MUCH more forgiving to guys, but I never wanted her to go out with society, I wanted her to go out with ME.

Ladies, when you’re with the right guy, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.  That’s not poetry, that is a fact, and I can show you several dozen highly successful, beautiful models who live in misery because their awesome looks can’t get them past their blah personalities if I need to prove it.  Quite frankly, I would knock a Kaley Cuoco on her ass to get to M.

If you REALLY want to piss a guy off, let him cinch up his courage, tell you that you’re beautiful and that he wants to show you off, and correct him.  That is, hands down, the most frustrating, irritating, unforgivable slight you can hand down, and most of you don’t realize it, because someone told you when you were entering puberty that your looks are about you.

By definition, your looks are about how others perceive you until that time that you have an IV installed and surround yourself with an octagon of mirrors.  If a guy you’re legitimately interested in tells you you’re beautiful, telling him, “Well, I won’t go out until I’m MORE beautiful” is an incredible turn off, and most guys will start looking for someone else the first time you say it.

The worst part of this: her answer is that she’ll come over to the hotel, we’ll go up to my room and screw.  Sorry, ladies, that is NOT paradise, that is a couple hours of awesome and the rest of the day of boring.  If I’m so into her that I can spend a whole day locked up in a room with her and just talk to her, then I need to figure that out on my own, it can’t be forced on me.  When it comes after, “I don’t want to do anything fun because of my body,” it just ain’t gonna happen.

And yes, there’s the whole, “Well, if you give her time,” argument – but I’m not going on vacation to conduct therapy, neither am I convinced that this problem gets better for most women with time.  Personal experience says it doesn’t.

Ladies, the bottom line is this: if your looks are important to you, that’s great.  If they’re keeping you in a dark room starving yourself, that’s dementia and, if they’re amazing to the person you’re interested in, then who gives a flying crap about what anyone else thinks?  Seriously, were you planning to go out dancing and take on the room?  Were you hoping to get someone better at the pool?  If you were, more power to you, but good luck convincing the man who’s amazed by you that doing that makes you better.

Take care, my droogies!



The mark of the Scammer

Fact: people try to meet on the Internet.

Fact: the farther apart they are, the more likely they are to try to meet on the Internet

Fact: knowing this, scammers surge to the places where they can pretend to be one type, seeking another.

So you go on (for example) Latin American Cupid, and you try to meet a ‘dream girl.’

She’s going to be beautiful, receptive to everything you want, wanting to move fast.

We call these, “Your first three clues.”

Don’t get me wrong, those beautiful, willing girls are out there.  They’re even in Latin American countries, where the local guys often REALLY treat women like crap, which makes men who don’t do that look extra special, even if they’re old enough to be the girl’s father.

But you have to differentiate.  You have to see the ‘Mark of the Scammer.’

Question 1: Do you have a Facebook page?  If she does, was it clearly, recently created?

Question 2: Can I look up your pictures on Google Image Search?  You can find this out by downloading them, and then dragging them to Google, on the Image Search page.

This will catch you about 20% of the scammers – the stupid ones.

Question 3: Can you SEND me a picture of you touching your left ear, or sticking your tongue out?  You’ll get most of the scammers this way, because they download pictures of Ukrainian models that don’t search well.  But they can’t manipulate those pictures.

Question 4: What’s your email address?  This is what inspired me to write this.  Someone who said she was 24 had a hotmail address.

Seriously, hotmail?  You can’t even get one of those anymore, and if you can, no one that age is going to do it.

Also, from an email address you can often get an ACTUAL ID in the response email – people won’t realize that it’s not the same as the one they’re using.

The more you feel like you quickly developed a REAL connection, the more you think, “I’ve met the one – hit it right out of the gate!”, the more you want to think ‘scam.’  Scammers have to be good at making you feel that way, fast, before you can think.

The best ones won’t even ask for money (those are easy to avoid – they have a spontaneous, immediate emergency that only money can solve!), they’ll just make you feel bad about how hard they’re having it, and let you do the rest so that you say, “She didn’t ask for money, I offered it.”

Just a little wisdom, this time, my droogies.  Remember, while you don’t want to lose sight of the destination, it’s all about the journey.

Yours always,


Lining up the prospects

Hello, my droogies!  Time for a status

First of all, thanks for the ‘welcome backs.’  It’s a surprise how many remember me after 2 years’ inactivity.

As I said in my last post, I’ve signed up to Latin American Cupid, and started talking to women online, as well as going to a few advice sites to find out what to do, where to go, what to bring, etc.

You learn a few things right away, such as, “Saying that you want to meet only Costa Rican girls is meaningless,” and “saying that you want to meet women of a certain age group is even more meaningless.”  I’ve received ‘interest’ from girls as young as 18 and as old as 60.

Some guys want an 18 year old – I’m not one of them.  I’m sure you all remember my daughter, ‘The Little Treasure’?  She just turned 24.  That kind of sets a base-line, and it doesn’t set it at 24.  Of course, it’s kind of liberating to know that, no matter whom I meet, the Little Treasure will make a point of hating her.

The front-runner Tica (a Tica is a girl from Costa Rica – see, you learned something today!) is a girl I’ll call ‘M.’  She is actually a Colombian who lives in CR, and like most Colombian women, her breasts are surprisingly large.  I think the girls are inspired by the mountains at a young age.  She’s got long hair that she considers short and the usual, beautiful brown eyes that comes with being a Latin girl.

She also has a kid.  Hers is 4 mos old – this is a major flag for me in most cases, but less so in CR.  It seems that in Costa Rica, it’s all but required by law that a woman has first kid before she’s 24, and that the father then abandons her.  This is a real surprise to me, based on how ungodly favorable for women the divorce laws there are.  These guys must simply be able to disappear or something, but I’ve met about a hand full of women who don’t have at least one kid, and I’ve seen 26 year olds with 4.

There’s another girl with two kids who’s a close runner.  She’s what they call ‘Afro-Carribean.’  Her smile could light up a room if her pictures are to be believed.

Supposedly, one aspect of CR life is the girls don’t screw around before marriage.  Apparently another is that the guys all screw around on their wives, and a third is that prostitution is completely legal, and it’s not uncommon for a single mother to head out and sell it to the tourists to make ends meet.  Over all, kind of a mixed message here – however one thing keeps shining through:  they likely talk a good game, but just like any Sugar Baby, they know how to solve a problem with their vagina.

Another thing you learn on the LAC board is the fleeting attention span of the Costa Rican girl, and research says that THIS is typical of the place as well.  I’m not leaving for another 5 weeks (as of tomorrow – yeah!), it was too early to get on there, and the girl ‘looking to meet the love of her life’ isn’t going to email you for nine weeks (or even five) because it’s boring.  If you’re reading this for advice (clever of you, by the way!), start your LAC membership around 5 weeks out and then weed out the short-termers.

By ‘short-termers,’ I mean the ones on there who want to hit up a guy who’s going to be there next week.

One thing you won’t find on LAC is the chicks begging for cash, or they’ll be sleeping on the street tonight.  It still stuns me that guys fall for that, but ‘Seeking Arrangement’ and ‘Sugar Daddies’ are proof that they do.  Do that on LAC and they’ll ban you, the girls take it seriously, and I’ve yet to be bothered.

Back to the topic – it’s largely M versus A-C for the title.  There are as many as six more I’d call ‘second string,’ meaning there’s interest but they aren’t going to take me seriously for a couple more weeks.  While I’m there, I want to do the catamaran tours, the ATV tours, dance with someone at a club at night, and maybe take some surfing lessons.  The ultimate winner will be the one comes closest to all of that, and of course who’s going to sleep with me.  Hey, I’m being denied sex right now, I don’t need to go out of the country for that.

In that vein – do you all remember ‘New Girl?’  Very large breasts, single mom, 1/2″ taller than I am, who I picked up, dumped and then let come back around?  I hear from her once in a while when she needs to blow me for cash.  It’s an expensive beej, but when you get down to it, she’s got a great body, it’s easy for me (she delivers like a pizza) and I get some kissing in.

OK, that’s all for my exciting life.  I may be switching jobs in the next month – I’ll let you all know.  If I do, then these things will have to wait until night time.

Your very own:


Back for a New Adventure

Hello, my droogies!

I know it’s been a long time, and I know that many of you have waited loyally for your favorite Sugar Daddy to do something interesting.  Well, here it is!

First, some catch up.  I have, once again, given dating a break while I focused on other things.  I’m hitting 54 this year, so I really don’t believe I get to do that too many times!  In this case, the focus was work and weight loss.  I’m down 60 lbs, making me a MUCH more attractive kinda guy, and of course work is what it is.

For the first time in SIX years, I’m actually going on vacation – this time to Latin America.  What am I looking for, you ask?

Ha!  As if you need to.  I’ve said before, if you can’t find what you want in the US, then there’s always abroad, so I guess that what I’m doing: looking for a broad!

The market is UNGODLY full, and also a little heart breaking.  Seriously, I want a young girl, but you see eighteen-year-olds willing to marry a guy my age just to get the hell out of some of those places.  Where I simply don’t WANT someone that young, I think I’d be receptive to sending money their way to make their lives better.

That’s another story.  Another still is this thing they call ‘mongering,’ which I have no interest in.  ‘Mongering’ is the new description of sexual tourism.  Prostitution is pretty well accepted in Latin America – you’ll even find women with jobs doing it on weekends just to make ends meet.  Suffice to say, I’m not going there to find cheap whores.

So my strategy, and we’ll see if it works, is three fold:

  1. I learned to dance.  Ain’t THAT special?  I can do the meringue, cumbia, bachata and, to some degree, salsa now.  Learning was a lot of fun and really good exercise so, no matter what, I think I’ll be sticking with that.
  2. I joined Latin American Cupid.  There are a LOT of sites for this, and as you all know, most are a scam.  LAC is the farthest from a scam I could find.
  3. Been brushing up on my Spanish, mostly working with the people who contact me on LAC.

One thing with the LAC site – you’re going to be contacted by a lot of fakes with pictures of amazing looking women, and you’re going to be contacted by a lot of real women who aren’t going to make the grade or be what you’re looking for.

Gee, is there a site on the Internet that ISN’T like that?

OK, my droogies – if you’re glad I’m back, let me know.  If you have questions, post them.  I’m really excited about this, and I’m sure I’ll have a lot of stories to tell you.




How it all ended up

Hello, my droogies.  It’s been a while.

I thought I would give you some closure on what transpired with your favorite Sugar Daddy.  When last we spoke I was cavorting with the super, ultra mega sugar baby and another chick in Orlando.  Neither worked out.

For the past year I’ve been programming and working on my property.  I’ve hired a weekly cleaner AND managed neither to have sex with or marry any of the girls who were sent over.  I lost about 30 lbs and I built a barn

Tried a personal trainer – what a waste of money.  If you’re over 50, don’t get a personal trainer.  They have no idea how to get someone over 40 from fat to muscle. I did that for a month, spent nearly $2,000 and actually gained three pounds.

As for the women – the one I called ‘new girl’ comes around from time to time.  She shows up, we fuck, she asks for money and complains that she never sees me, and I put up with her until her drama sends me off again.

It’s amazing to me how many women could have whatever man they wanted, if they’d just shut up about the drama in their lives, or at least stopped trying to make more of it.

After about four years of this, I think that’s what I’ve come away with more than anything else: the girls you’re going to meet, who call themselves Sugar Babies, are going to have a lot of drama in their lives.  If they didn’t, they’d be wives instead.  This includes the ones who are making money hand-over-fist and the so-called ‘angel sugar babies.’  Show me the most successful of them and, deep in their being, they’d love a guy who’d make their whole life about her, but can’t find it and don’t realize that the reason is that before they can get that close, she’s creamed him more baggage than a 747 could carry.

Which is sad, but there ya go.

I wouldn’t call this experiment a failure because no experiment that you learn from is a failure, and I think I needed to do this if only to prove that it couldn’t be done.  Next, I think I’m off to Costa Rica or Thailand.

Be well, my droogies.


The average girl, over the ultra-mega girl

Hello, my droogies. I’m taking a short break from programming to write this.

It was an interesting weekend. I have horses, so of course I’m thinking what everyone who owns horses is thinking all summer – where will I get winter hay? Winter hay is tricky – you want to buy a little more than you need, and store it properly, and it’s all dependent on the weather. The beginning of this spring was hot and dry, but the summer has been wet and cool. That means that people who grow hay were thinking, “I won’t have enough,” and now they’re terrified that they’ll get stuck with it.

Which is how I bought 30 rolls for $1,100 delivered, thinking I’d get 21,000 pounds, and ended up with 40,000 when the rolls showed up WAY bigger than I expected.

It also means my tractor can’t move them to a 2nd tier like I need, and THAT means that I need to get a bigger tractor or hire someone to stack them for me.

It ALSO means I built my hay barn too small, and didn’t leave enough time to put a roof on it, and if it rains real hard, I could have issues. Wet hay will mold or, worse, spontaneously catch fire.

So here I am, busy all weekend, and everyone wants cash. I don’t keep much cash on hand, I have it working for me. Also the Little Treasure (my daughter)’s wedding is still being paid off. So now I start to here from the two remaining Sugar Baby contenders, the somewhat plain one from Orlando, FL, and the Super Ultra-Mega Sugar Baby from SC.

The latter, SUMSB, starts to message me like crazy because she’s come up with new reasons to want money (like illegally buying percoset from her friend to assuage her knee pain) and as you all know, I HATE to be pestered. I told her a bunch of times I won’t have time for her this weekend, so I get calls, texts and some REALLY graphic pictures of her, which I also don’t like.

The Orlando girl sends me a “You’re quiet,” text, I tell her what’s going on and that’s it.

If you’re needy over the phone, you’ll be worse in person, and I was starting to get the idea that SUMSB is another “never meet” girl. She’s also sent me so much self-porn and I’m actually sick of looking at her.

So there you have it, believe it or not – the plainer girl whose personality is SO much better, is beating out the prettier girl with issues.

What a thing to share, eh, my droogies?

Take care – it’s back to work!

Your SD

The Super Amazing, Ultra Mega Sugar Baby

Good morning, my droogies. It’s after the one Sunday morning news show you get to watch in East Tennessee, but before I go out and do all of the chores it takes to keep this place running.

About five days ago, I met another SB. To update you all, the Sugar Mom hasn’t really spoken with me much and it’s just hard to get excited about her. The Orlando girl went out to LA for a week and had a disaster of a time, and is kind of down on herself. Regardless, I was feeling ignored so I went and sniffed around Sugar Daddies again.

So I see this girl on there, and she’s about 5 hours from here, and she’s pretty in her pictures and her profile makes me laugh, so I message her.

I hear right back from her – girls, this is SO important. If you’ve got an inbox stuffed with emails, clear it, even if it’s just to say, “Sorry, not interested.” The deal is, you can meet someone in there who interests you, message him/her after five days and, no matter what your excuse, he’s going to think, “She’s playing a wide field,” and de-prioritize you.

We start to email and we have a LOT in common, much as I’m 23 years older than she is. She’s also claiming to have been hurt recently and is in rehab, and THAT, my droogies, is ALWAYS a red flag. Remember, there are three types of SBs:

Smart whores
Bad Accountants
Women who want rich husbands

Go back in the archives if you want to read more about them, but there you are. Smart whores have a knack for doing very little for very much, and one way they do it is to come up with a legitimate-sounding reason why they can’t meet you, but still need your money for that occasion when they do. That occasion simply never happens, and eventually you realize that you’ve spent a lot of money for porn you could get on the Internet for free.

So my whore lights are flashing as we’re getting to know each other when, lo and behold, it turns out this girl is a young exhibitionist. I get a few PG pictures and then one of her nude in a chair where she’s kind of stretching, so it’s more of a classy than a pornographic nude.

“Wow, very nice.”

“I don’t usually show those,” she says, “but I like you.”

Add the alarm to the flashing lights. We really haven’t been talking that long, but then, if she likes to be nude, there ya go.

A few more days pass, and we text a lot. We’re exchanging ideas, we’re talking about rehab and how screwed up insurance is. We talk about how she got hurt, how her job laid her off right after (which is bullshit, but welcome to the new economic situation brought to you by Barack Obama), how hard it is to continue getting treatment.

Friday she’s in a lot of pain and she’s run out of pain medication. OK, I think, here it comes.

“What does that cost?” I ask.

“$45,” she responds. Turns out she has all of three dollars to her name, and she’s living with her mom, who’s on retirement.

OK, there’s an anomaly. I don’t expect a free ride, but I’m not paying someone whom I’m never going to meet, either. She HAS been pretty generous with a few self-movies she’s done, and not asked for anything for them. I can pay the piper just because I like what I’m getting.

So I send her $250 through Pay Pal. She didn’t ask for it, but the girls who are good at this never do. However, you can say that pain killers cost anything. Why not say “$150” for pills? Like I said, worth the risk.

Her response is a flood of naked selfies and a couple movies of her in the bathtub. I admit, this is a really, really beautiful girl who knows how to act beautiful rather than slutty. Half the time, you get pictures from a girl which would embarrass a gynecologist. OK, if this is going to go forward, then this is going to have a meet date, because I know how I’m feeling about her (not just the pictures but the conversations), and I don’t want to hand her a hammer and say, “Break my heart.”

Well, she’s going to be in Tennessee in October….

Negative. Not waiting that long. How about a couple weeks, I go there and take you out to dinner.

Well, she’s really not mobile, and she’s had to discontinue her PT, because after the lay off her insurance wanted to revert from her company policy back to her own.

OK, I’m thinking. Here it comes. “How much is PT?”


Which is what I would expect it to cost, having done it, and not what you’d expect a smart whore to ask for. Again, $150 is nothing. We set a deal. She does her PT and we’re meeting in three weeks, when she should be walking.

By the way, could you send me a pic of you at your PT? Sorry, I’m suspicious.

I get the picture, she’s clearly on PT, she’s clearly hurt her knee. Wow, honesty and NO greed. She’s actually enjoying doing this as much as I am.

This morning I get a couple more movies from her, just to say, “Good morning.”

You don’t strike gold like this too often. We’ve spoken on the phone so I know she’s a girl (there are dudes out there who do this for an actual living – brrrrrr). It’s a good start and leaves me a lot happier than I’ve been with other girls.

So good news for you, my droogies. You should be getting some pretty good updates

Yours always